ON ESSAY WRITING AND FEELING LONELY
Our first essay is due tomorrow. It’s only a ‘test essay’, so it won’t be assessed or marked, but it's just so that we can get feedback on a piece of writing. Although, since I don’t know how to half-ass something, I’ve gone all in. Like I always do, for better or worse.
I always find that the first piece of writing after summer is the hardest one. Before I find my words again. Soon enough writing will be something that I do automatically, without thinking almost. But the first essay, good God, it’s always a struggle. After the second draft I was ready to pack my bags and quit uni, I thought it was the worst thing I’d ever written, an absolute disaster. Luckily, I know that the only way to get through writer's block is to continue writing; to write write write until I don’t feel like crying every time I scroll through the document. To write and re-write until I feel happy about what I’ve created. Thankfully I reached that point today, and I'm happy with my essay. A little proud almost, because to discuss Butler, Grosz, and de Beauvoir in ≈2000 words is freaking hard, next to impossible, but I think I did okay.
Although the past week has been devoted to essay writing, I’ve also gone for fika with a girl in my class, a fika that accidentally lasted for over 5 hours!? We talked so much and had so much fun that it wasn’t until we noticed that it was getting dark that we realised how late it was. I’ve also been to the light festival here in York with another girl in my class, and then the night after that I went to a night market where I bought liquorice (why is that so hard to spell?) fudge. So all in all, a very good week.
Moving to a new city, where you don't know a soul, can really make you feel quite lonely. It was easier in Edinburgh when I had the unbelievable luck to live with with 5 amazing girls in halls during first year, out of which 3 became my best friends. Now that I live on my own, it’s different. I’m so grateful and happy that I can have my own flat, it gives me well needed head space after being out and about, after being social and working in uni all day. Room to think, to recover, to rest, to become a person again. But all that alone time can also be very overwhelming, especially since I haven’t had this much me-time since forever. So I'm very happy that I'm making friends with kind, funny, cool people, that I can talk about feminism with, and who love avocado as much as I do.
Can't you tell me something nice/weird/awkward that is happening in your life right now? Update me!